documenting stagnation

the remainder of this day can forget me
its almost noon and already i'm ready for bed
woke up 4hours ago
smoked a cigarette, went to the Methadone Clinic,
stopped and got gas, took a dump while @ the gas station and
dug through the garbage for scratch-off tickets.
I found 13dollars worth of missed winners.
I traded them for new tickets and lost it all.
Then went by the atm for a 20. Went and got more
scratchies and a Red Bull. Now I'm back @ home,
7minutes before noon, with lotto tickets I'm too depressed
to scratch off, and half a Red Bull I'm too depressed
to drink. I'm DONE! Stick a fork in me! Its over!
I crawl into bed and think, "God, if I die before I wake,
my last day on Earth will be completely and utterly
DEPRESSING!" I cant die like that. I have to do
SOMETHING! ANYTHING! worth merit so this day
will not be an absolute waste. I spot my laptop and think,
Documentation! Thats what we need. I get a lil tingle in
my belly. This will do the trick. I start writing... and realize...
I have no life. This day, doesnt mean... anything. My life,
doesnt mean... anything. There is no point I can find to
anything I do. I am the personification of purposelessness.
Im a walking, breathing, thinking waste of space.
And though my fingers move, type; this is the documentation
of nothing. Wasted time. Wasted words. A tired oaf, waiting
for the mercy of death or something different. Give me a
tired, secondhand miracle. Give me something to believe in.
A reason to keep getting out of bed. Cuz I got nothing. Nothing.
Only the documentation, of my wasted life.