Hiding in plain sight

Sometimes it disturbs me - how much NO ONE knows me.

And I dont just mean friends and accaintances. My own family

fails to recognize just how far into darkness I've drifted.

the remainder of this day can forget me

its noon and i'm ready for bed

woke up 4hours ago

smoked a cigarette,

documenting stagnation

the remainder of this day can forget me
its almost noon and already i'm ready for bed
woke up 4hours ago
smoked a cigarette, went to the Methadone Clinic,
stopped and got gas, took a dump while @ the gas station and
dug through the garbage for scratch-off tickets.
I found 13dollars worth of missed winners.
I traded them for new tickets and lost it all.
Then went by the atm for a 20. Went and got more
scratchies and a Red Bull. Now I'm back @ home,
7minutes before noon, with lotto tickets I'm too depressed
to scratch off, and half a Red Bull I'm too depressed
to drink. I'm DONE! Stick a fork in me! Its over!
I crawl into bed and think, "God, if I die before I wake,
my last day on Earth will be completely and utterly
DEPRESSING!" I cant die like that. I have to do
SOMETHING! ANYTHING! worth merit so this day
will not be an absolute waste. I spot my laptop and think,
Documentation! Thats what we need. I get a lil tingle in
my belly. This will do the trick. I start writing... and realize...
I have no life. This day, doesnt mean... anything. My life,
doesnt mean... anything. There is no point I can find to
anything I do. I am the personification of purposelessness.
Im a walking, breathing, thinking waste of space.
And though my fingers move, type; this is the documentation
of nothing. Wasted time. Wasted words. A tired oaf, waiting
for the mercy of death or something different. Give me a
tired, secondhand miracle. Give me something to believe in.
A reason to keep getting out of bed. Cuz I got nothing. Nothing.
Only the documentation, of my wasted life.