fully committed to failing

That's right! I said it! I'm a failure. But I aint no ordinary failure! When I decide to do something, I do it all the way! I'm failing like I'm trying to win a medal. I'm failing like it's an olympic sport! I flushing my life away faster than I can wipe my ass with my future. This is an insane, absurd occupation. It's one I was born to do. I am the greatest failure in the history of failing. I can make my life as worthless as a used condom thumb-tacked to my ass. Not a condom I used, either. Cuz getting laid would be some small form of success. No, just a used condom I attempted to jerk-off in after failing to score with an ugly woman. But the condom aint sticky. Cuz even though I TRIED to masturbate, I failed at that too! I am a loser. I am THE loser. And I can lose better than any of you!