Lost without Her

She is my moral compass, my muse. She is my sparring partner, and my greatest love. I have held her in my arms more times than I've considered other women. And she has held me. She has held me for comfort and for warmth. But she has also held me when I needed it for salvation, and she has drawn a small river of tears from me that would never have escaped own there own. That, is the power of a good, strong woman. She is everything I am not. She is amazing and kind and straight-foward. She means everyword out of her mouth and the words find your ears by way of her heart worn her bare shoulder. It's a wound, and a shield. My words dont come close to describing every unique way in which she is wonderful. I love her. I want to choke her. I want to sex her. I want to give "Ms. Hoodle Poodle" a 30minute kiss. And Ms. Poodle doesnt even need to return the favor to "Mr. Pee-pee," because HE KNOWS she's good for it. She has been good for it; good for everything; for so long. That is, until she finally tired of me. And every good word I say about her is another reason I feel like I will never be good enough for her. That's not her fault though. She has shown me that she loves me. She loves every part of me. Even those parts of me that I HATE, that I would do ANYTHING to get rid of. She loves those. She kisses those places. She is the only person on this planet who has made me feel...beautiful. And trust me, I'm not. I'm an Ogre. When I look in the mirror, I see a hideous beast. And for some reason, she can lay me down in her bed, undress me, and make me feel, so sexy, so attractive. I cant tell you how she does it. It's a miracle. And as soon as the lights come back on, I suddenly realize, I'm still an Ogre! And I'm lying next to this angel I dont deserve in my mind. I want to cover up. I want to run away. I want to yell at her for pretending to love me. How can she put up with that? She did everything she could and I still wouldnt just let her love me. So no, it's not her fault she left me. Or let me leave her. But I can say this: NO ONE, has ever, or will ever, get that deep inside me. And I am safe without her. But I am also lost. So very lost.